A happier post : by request

Post content : Leadership Training Seminar

Post content date : April 8-9

April 8

I was late.
Again.
Another SEB-related activity that I was late.
Wahahaha.
(Seriously, I have to quit being late. o_o)
I texted Roselyn to tell our moderator I'd be late.
Dikko stole Roselyn's phone when he learned I was texting her.
He told her to tell me I was so slow.
I told her to tell him he's crazy. (Nyahahaha.)



I got to school.
Unfortunately, I wasn't able to be beside him...
...as he had asked me a couple of times the morning after his grad ball.
I rode with the 1st and 2nd year peepz.
And we had a baby-sitter...
...AGAIN! XD
From Kuya Lej...
...to Kuya Michael!
Whee~



My seatmates were Sienna and Maren...
...left and right, respectively.
Kate was beside Sienna.
We were occasionally noisy...
...and then we became quiet after a while.
We stopped to pick up Kuya Kahlil (my bro! and Sienna's XD)
...but he went into another van.
Jared was also in another van...
Neb was in Antipolo, I think.
...and the 2nd year SEB babies weren't complete. =(



We stopped at Jollibee to eat breakfast.
Dikko dragged me to a table. (D:<)
We had a table of our own...
...seating only two.
We swung from side to side with the... er...
...swing-able chairs? o_o
And we played thumb wrestling.
And we talked.
About all sorts of things.
As we usually do.
I took pictures of him.
And he told me he'd get his revenge...
...if he gets a phone with a camera.
Nyahahahaha. (Nuuu, you will never ever! D:<)
The food came.
We took our food and went back to our table.
Pieces of his egg kept falling off his fork...
...and his meat didn't seem to want to get cut up.
Wahahaha.
It was so adorable. =3



We left Jollibee.
We entered the doors of Starbucks.
We sat around for a while...
...actually, he did. o_o
I stood beside him.
And made a space beside him on the small seat...
...for me to sit on.
Unfortunately, I couldn't fit...
...and he made me sit on his lap instead. O_O
But after ten seconds I got up.
I stood beside him again.



I needed to go to the bathroom...
...and he waited outside
(duh! He can't come in. o_O).



We got into our vans.
Jared transferred to our van (yay!).
I texted Dikko (through his brother's phone
and since he was in another van).
We got bored.
We took pictures of those asleep.
We started playing 'connect-a-song'.
And we sang lots of songs...
...from sentimental songs...
...to rock-ish songs...
...to nursery rhymes...
Whee~



We arrived at the beach.
Dungaree, I think.
We got our stuff.
Julian carried my bag
(O_O acts of chivalry... you don't get that everyday anymore!).
We put down our stuff.
We changed into shorts and swimming gear
(well, I only changed into shorts).
Afterwards, I went to Dikko.
He was lying down on a bench.
I went over and laid his head on my lap.
I kissed him a few times (whee~ *blush, blush*)
And I glanced around a few times.
The sea was pretty.
And the mountain forms in the distance were fascinating.
The people around were interesting, too.



Dikko sat up after a while...
...saying that his legs were really cramping up.
Mr. San Jose tried something on his feet to relieve him.
He went to change into shorts and a sleeveless shirt after.
He is sooooo hot! *drool* (Wahahaha!)
He sat down beside me again.
He put his arms around my waist while we sat down.
I kept staring out into the sea.
Then I kicked sand onto his feet.
Nyahahaha.
Then he got back at me by doing the same.
I took a picture of the two of us.




Lunch came.
Dikko and I took our food.
We ate with Kuya Paulo and Sir Caballero.
After lunch, I stared at the sea again.
He asked me if I had a problem.
Well, I may have had one...
...but I surely wasn't thinking of it.
I was captivated by the sparkling sea and the peaceful mountains.



The undergrads had an activity afterwards.
We were supposed to peel a mango with our hands only.
And we weren't supposed to tear at the peel.
Mine tore at the last minute...
...but I had to hurry, since I was the last one. O_O
And they were already eating up their mangoes.
I ate mine up with five gigantic bites.
Wahaha.
At least in that part, I caught up.
Even if I was the last to peel mine. XD



Then we were made to line up.
And then we held the person in front of us.
By the waist.
With dirty hands. (Nyahahaha!)
We had some sort of synchronized walk.
To the seashore.
And into the more shallow part of the sea.
Afterwards, they let us wash our hands.
And we went back to the huts where our things were.



We were asked to clean up our surroundings.
Then we were made to line up and see what we did.
We were asked to rate our work.
I gave it a 6, perfectionist mode on.
And Mrs. San Jose and Sir Caballero agreed with my rating.



After every activity, they explained what it meant.
And after the last activity, we sat together.
We talked about quite a bit of things.



And then we were allowed to do what we wanted afterwards.
I texted Dikko before getting into the sea.
I talked with Sienna at the seashore after a while,
while we were collecting all sorts of stones
(I wasn't able to bring mine home! T_T).



Then we got dressed.
I played on the guitar a little.
Then we left the beach and headed for the houses...
...where we were supposed to stay in. XD



When I already put my things aside...
...I explored a bit.
And found out that there was a slope at the back of the house.
I climbed up and sat down, alone.
I watched as people went from house to house.
Some greeted me.
But only Essell went up and sat with me
(it was nice, actually ^_____^).
We had a little chat.
And then Kuya Kahlil and the others came on my other side.
After a while, I felt that the peace I was looking for was broken.
So I ventured out to the front.



Dikko and Ate Minerva appeared at the front soon enough.
Dikko asked me to join them.
They were going off to the pool to ask...
...about how long it was going to be open.
He was dismayed to know that it wasn't going to be open until late.
We went back...
...and...
...and...
...and...
I can't remember what happened next. XD

>(~TBC~)<

...are you reassuring me?
Are you still trying to slap me into reality?
Are you reminding me of who I am to you?
Who you are to me?



If you are...
...I'm here to tell you...
I get it.
I'm reassured.
I've been slapped out of illusion.
I remember.



I'm yours...
...and you're mine.

And nothing can ever change that.
I love you.

A girl confessed that she likes Dikko.
I know there are still quite a few out there who feel the same.
Here's the catch - she's my friend.
And it seems as if she's looking for something more than friendship.
...that is, it sounds like it on her blog.



A miracle happened.
I've asked around about how I feel.
What I should do.
How I should react.
Sienna says I talk to her.
Dikko says I talk to her.
ChaoS says I talk to her.
Mom says I talk to her.
I did.



I told her how I felt about everything.
I told her how awkward it was.
I told her how painful it was.
How painful it felt.
How I felt afraid of losing him.
Losing him to someone who hasn't learned of the other side of Dikko's story.
Losing him to someone who's going to take it easy.
I told her our story...
...the other side of our story.



She apologized.
She said she felt bad.
I told her everything's okay.
I felt okay.
But after a while...
...the hurting feeling came back.
I know not of the reason...
...but it came back.



Was it coincidence that Dikko texted at that time...
...I will not know until I get to my death.
But text he did.
And I told him that I was still bothered.
I told him I was feeling possessive.
I told him that it felt that it had already gone out of hand.
I told him I didn't understand what I felt.



Dikko said it was okay.
He said that I own him forever anyway.
That didn't really help.
I wasn't sure if he meant it...
...or if it would really be true.
That he'd be mine forever...



I asked again.
I asked if it was wrong to feel possessive.
I asked Ate Yamhie.
I asked my sister.
A miracle happened.



Ate Yamhie, who is Dikko's best friend, said I will not ever lose him.
But that's not the miracle in itself.
My sister, who hates Dikko...
She told me to forget about the other girl.
To forget about the incident.

...and she asked me if I really thought that Dikko would betray me...



I was surprised at her answer.
Even she, who despises Dikko...
...because she says Dikko stole me from the family...
She BELIEVES in Dikko's loyalty.
She BELIEVES in Dikko's love for me.
She BELIEVES and TRUSTS Dikko.
She TRUSTS him with me.

...when I don't seem to believe or trust him at all...



It's such a nice surprise.
A nice feeling.
A feeling of freedom from the feeling itself.
At the same time...
...it's a heavy feeling.
A feeling of guilt.
A feeling of stupidity.



She's right.
My sister's right.
Even if she only turned 13 a few days ago...
...it seems as if she knows more than she lets on.
She's right.

I have to BELIEVE and TRUST Dikko's word.
Because...
I still have him.
I'm one of those who know him best.
I'm still his number one fan.
I'm still his number one bully.
I'm still his number one teammate.
I'm still one of his committee successors.
I still care for him.
I still love him.

And he still loves me back.

We still have a mutual love.
A mutual understanding.
We're still friends.
We're still lovers.
We're still the best of teammates...
Who understand each other's next move...

For now. *laughs*

But while it's still here now...
...why not make the most of it?



I know I've forgotten my real purpose.
Loving him...
Trusting him...
Believing in him...
Being his banana...
Those are all but second.
My real goal?
My real purpose?

It's to make a great difference in his life.
And I don't believe I've achieved that.
So, with a smile I go...

I went to school today.
I worked as an usherette in Dikko's graduation.
It's a pity I never got to have a decent conversation with him.
I got a headache afterwards.
He saw me with my head slumped on the table in the office.
He didn't greet properly then.
He didn't ask.
He just took his things and went outside.
I waited for a little bit, since I wanted to talk to him.
After three minutes, I left without congratulating him or bidding him a proper farewell.
I didn't care anymore.